Chris Feathers: "Oh, Peter Linehan? Just give me half a bottle of Blue Nun please. One for him, and one for his brother-in-law. Alan: Well whatever. Alan: I loved that phrase you used; it was very very clever, where you said revolution, not evolution. Sorry, sometimes it’s difficult to understand the Geordie people. Revolve. . Sorry. I’m being bawdy, Lynn. I’d effectively be disabled if it weren’t for these. You’re not a cow. I had to go back and finish him off with a jack. Susan: No. Susan: Don’t worry about your car, Alan. [Lift door begins to close on Alan] Michael: Aye, that ‘n’ killin’ Alan: [Alan forces the lift door back open] Really? Tony: It’s my weakness I’m afraid, I’ve got a cellar. Alan [Viewing the dining room]: Yes it’s an extender! Alan [With Tony entering the restaurant]: You know it says Partridge I can understand, but then cock and piss. Another one of those same time tomorrow. [Cockrel crows followed by an “A-ha”] No, sorry about that. Come in, the door’s open. At any one time I have nine bottles of wine in my house. Lynn: What if Tony Hayers see’s cook pass babtridge painted on your car? And it says “pass” now, where it once said “piss”. Alan: All this wine nonsense! Alan: No. Lynn: You know, one can find some strength, when you are at your bleakest moments if you open yourself up to… Alan: Lynn I’m not coming to your Baptist church! If I remember rightly, Lynn was about 50 in series 1 so she must be hitting 70 now! Alan: I’d rather you didn’t, it’s not that kind of an evening. [Takes the glass of wine and downs it in one] That’s fine, fill her up! Because that is me. Waiter: Anything else? He is interviewing Stephen Brai, who’s father invented cats eyes: This website uses cookies to improve your experience. Alan: Be Lynn again. Estate Agent: I loved it! I am not … Alan [Singing Killer Queen by Queen]: ‘Guaranteed to blow your mind!’ Susan: Good morning, Alan. He’s an idiot! '", RTE executive: "You ever been to Ireland, Alan?" Tony: There’s too many of them? I evolve. Now, you’ll like this. Michael: Ye wouldn’t want to know Mr. Partridge. Alan: Classic Queen! Is that it? Alan: Oh, about! I’m very well thank you, how are you? Sophie: Susan, can I take five minutes? We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. [Lynn starts to walk towards the living room door, and Alan cuts in front of her] One more question. The not-so textbook evolution of Alan Partridge. Alan to Susan: Any messages? In Alan Partridge: Nomad, Alan dons his boots, windcheater and scarf and embarks on an odyssey through a place he once knew - it's called Britain - intent on completing a journey of immense personal significance.Diarising his ramble in the form of a 'journey journal', Alan details the people and places he encounters, … Alan: I loved your article in the Guardian, by the way. Alan: When did you get this call? And now it’s time for one of Alan’s ‘Fact of the day’: Crab sticks don’t actually contain any crab. Alan: ‘Fraid so. For example, in this drawer. The more I watch of this series the more I'm loving the revolution evolution of Alan Partridge. You know, because I e-volve but I don’t re-volve. Alan as Chris Rea: I’d love to, do you mind if I bring my guitar? [Reception phone rings] Susan: Oh, excuse me. [Cockerel crows followed by Alan with an “A-haaaaa!”]. Ok, doomsday scenario. Scum. Waiter: I’ve already poured half. That mean there will be noise or there won’t be noise? Related articles across the web. In the 1997 TV sitcom I'm Alan Partridge, Alan's nemesis, BBC commissioner Tony Hayers (David Schneider), describes his methodology as "evolution not revolution" before smugly axing Alan's chat show. Tea? With The Man With The Child In His Eyes. Lynn: Yes. Think about it, no one had heard of Oxford before Inspector Morse. Tony: I don’t think you should see your future just at the BBC, Alan. Lynn: I also rang all the companies on the product list you gave me. Alan: I’ll… have… a pint of bitter! Alan: You know what this room says to me? Sorry. [Alan and Tony follow the waiter to their table] Alan: We managed to rectify it though, it now says… by adapting it, it now says “cook” where it once said “cock”. Alan: Well, you know, whatever. Alan: [Running through the restaurant] I’ve got cheese! Alan: Would you like me to lap dance for you? Lynn (as Tony Hayers): I’m fine. And I heard your phone in, and I liked your chat with the guy from Swaffham, he was a whacky fellow. It’s smelly. Tony: Alan, please! When he is told that there will be no second series, and that he has a reputation for making bad television programmes, he attacks Tony Hayers with a clump of cheese. He's the author of North (2014), and the publisher behind the acclaimed underground journals Dreamflesh (2006) and Towards 2012 (a long time ago). Alan: It’s all right. Don’t know if you err… did you used to watch my TV show. Alan: Scaled-down supermarket, fits inside a petrol station. Peter: Fine, fine. There are more people out there trying to quit the booze than I ever realised. Not my words.. Partridges. T here are forebears, of course. Be tough. Alan: I want you to pour a little bit, let me sip it, and then pour the rest. Tony: No. Alan: Oooh, very busy! Alan can’t resist getting down with the kids for his outfit at the station’s rebranding … Stephen: Well I remember he came home from work one night, very excited that he… Alan: People want to err… did he ever turn all the lights off in the house and run towards you with a torch, hoping to try and catch the reflection in your eyes? RTE executive: "It amazes me when people say that and it's only 49 quid on a plane." He drinks that yellow stuff in tins. Sophie: No. Alan as Chris Rea: I love them, but my wife’s vegetarian. Alan to his listeners: Kate Bush there, the lovely Kate Bush. You know, wine this, wine that!. She’s living with that fitness instructor; he provides her all her sexual, intercourse. Alan: Aboot? Alan: Well I’m afraid Susan I’ve got some very bad news. Waiter: Will you be having wine with your meal? No, you’re all on the BBC gravy train. Condensing 30 years of character history into a comprehensive introduction and trying to convey just what Partridge means to the broader landscape and evolution of comedy is not a task I’m up to, save to say … Alan: Time now to hand over mien breakfast host, Mr David Clifton. Sorry! Because that is me. Waiter: Would you like a drink first? Tony: I don’t think wine is an elitist thing anymore. So you be Tony Hayers. Alan to Susan: No, no, god… There’s never any graffiti in the hotel. Estate Agent: They’re just deaf.Alan: Not you, Lynn. Lynn: Oh! Estate Agent: Mini mart? Alan: Don’t worry, Lynn. [Alan really doesn’t care and shrugs his shoulders to make the point] Peter: We’ve haven’t met, but I liked your chat show. ... after reading his article on 'evolution, not revolution' in television: “That's me! In the 1997 TV sitcom I'm Alan Partridge, Alan's nemesis, BBC commissioner Tony Hayers (David Schneider), describes his methodology as "evolution not revolution" before smugly axing Alan's chat show. What have you got for me, Lynn? Alan: What like three men burning in a tank going ‘aaaargh’? "Well you know whatever. Well another one of those again tomorrow. They may have very nice Tudorette-style housing, but can they order an Irish coffee at 3am in the morning and get it delivered to their bedroom? Alan: Smell the cheese. Yes, in the Peak District. Alan Partridge (and the actor who channels him) is obviously at its apex. A lot of them’s from broken homes. You have things. Idea for a programme: ‘Lady Shapes with Alan Partridge’. Alan: Oh I like this, yes. Then make a programme about it. I’m leaving you, you cow! That was a negative and right now I need two positives. Before you know it you’re mowing their lawn. You’re in the right ballpark. sufferers about their condition. Alan: Bloody BBC!. Tony: What’s that? Alan: A detective series based in Norwich called “Swallow”. I’ll play it down. Susan: Just the one, from Bill Oddie. Lynn: Things have to be compartmentalised, Alan. Tony: No, it was the opposite, evolution not revolution. I know for a fact Martin Lewis got two power showers out of them. Assassin's Creed III Review: Evolution, Not Revolution. Like the Cook Report with a more slap stick approach. Estate Agent to Lynn: Do you like the room? Tagged: alan partridge, alcohol support, evolving not … Or vice versa." Because that is me. Alan: Oh, talk of the devil Michael Morning, Mr Partridge. “Knowing M.E., Knowing You”. After his keyboard malfunctions at 'An afternoon with Alan Partridge'. Alan: Interesting Fact. 1 year ago. Lynn: No, they said they didn’t do that sort of thing. It’s like being inside an enormous Fox’s Glacier Mint, which again to me is a bonus. Look at you, do you go around drawing peep hole bras on the wall? Opening sequence, me in Trafalgar Square feeding the pigeons going ‘oooh god’! Very nice. Alan: It’s got walnuts in. Let’s go off to the BBC. Tony: I don’t think so. It’s a life saver you know. “Swallow” is a detective who tackles vandalism. Alan: Nipping off for a fag? Nothing his character wears is random. Erm. All I got there was ‘broken homes’. Tony: Really? Alan: I’m you’re man! Alan: There’s tea in the pot. Hayers: "No it was the opposite 'Evolution, not Revolution'." To use a nature analogy, revolutionary innovation is like the Cambrian explosion or the extinction of the dinosaurs (by an asteroid that hit northern Mexico). Estate Agent to Alan: So, you’d be living alone? Alan: Very cheap to make, do it in a pub car park! I suppose what you are trying to say is, you don't want another Chris Evans on your hands. I’ve not thought it through Lynn; I’ll call you back. And from 1993, manufactures have been legally obliged to label them ‘crab flavoured sticks’. Fosters menswear said yes if you get the second series, and you wear one garment a week on air. Lynn: We’re gonna have to zip. Alan: I'm you're man. Alan: Err, would you take three hundred and twenty… four? You know, because I e-volve but I don't re-volve. Has this kitchen been distressed? Ok, small talk. Estate Agent: School for the deaf. Writer based in Wiltshire. Susan: Good show this morning? Alan: Well, whatever. Lynn: Nope. As Steve Coogan’s comedy alias returns to the BBC, the character’s co-creator and scriptwriters reflect on the journey so far. Be a bit weird. Tony: No, I’m sorry, no. Colonel Mustard in the en-suite bathroom, with a lead pipe. Obsessions include prehistoric consciousness, depth psychology, cosmology, animism, and Alan Partridge. Despite what I just said earlier. Good morning to you, sir. But there’s no affection. Another way of looking at it is, people like them, let’s make some more of them. Opening Credits Quote: The string back just gives you a bit of extra purchase. Alan: Well, you know, whatever. The vandals got to your car again? [Awkward pause and Lynn looks at the teapot] Do you want a cup? Sophie, could you deal with this? "Evolution not revolution". I loved that phrase you used 'Revolution, not... Evolution: 72.2%: Go on, try and finish the sentence and see what I do. Estate Agent: Yes, it’s got one of those. Right. This morning my pillow looked like a flapjack. Alan: I loved that phrase you used, it was very clever -- "revolution not evolution". Is there a neighbourhood watch system? ", "I'm on the ring road , Lynn. Right up to 20th century well-toned women like Sharon Davies and, Jet from Gladiators. I’ve seen some terrible things mind. [To Lynn] Take this cheese. Alan: In that case you’ve got yourself a deal! Alan: I loved that phrase you used, it was very clever -- "revolution not evolution". Certainly enough room to swing a cat in here isn’t there! In fact, the best thing that I ever did was getting thrown out by my wife! Alan: Yeah, just moved in, last week. Alan: "Yeah. As you know, the end of the week I’m meeting Tony Hayers at the BBC. Alan: Right. Having initially been amused at Labour’s new policy on Brexit being described as ‘Evolution not Revolution’ – a line straight out of the first episode of I’m Alan Partridge – I found it interesting that many news sites and papers were suggesting that Jeremy Corbyn will use a speech on Monday to bring a little more clarity over his party’s position on Brexit. Alan is back in the studio doing his breakfast show, sporting a black eye after attempting to open the minibar by jumping from his bed. I love this house! Tony: We don’t owe you a living. HistoricDealer Posts: 2,230. Tony: Look, Alan I don’t want you to feel… I’ll see you later, Peter. Let me start by saying I’m not writing this for anyone who doesn’t already know who Alan Partridge is. [Wait starts to pour the Blue Nun] Whoa!, what are you doing? Waiter: Table for two, sir? And a broken home is not an excuse for evil. Alan: What? I evolve, but I don't ..... revolve.Or vice-versa. It was too late of course, but I didn’t quite kill him, that was the tragedy. Alan: Ok, Lynn, quick practice for this meeting with Tony Hayers this Friday. Alan: "No, no. Have I got a second series? Can I… No, actually I’ll just repeat the question. Gone hard. Alan: That’s rubbish. Haven’t you got programmes to make? Erm, terrible idea, no one will watch that. [Lynn opens a drawer and notices some pornographic material]. Estate Agent [Viewing the bathroom]: This is the bathroom. Alan: Smell my cheese! Alan: It’s quite nice. Estate Agent: Living room. Tony: No, it was the opposite, evolution not revolution. Lynn: You were on the toilet. Since I started talking openly about my past drinking problems, a lot of people have opened up to me about their own issues and attempts to quit. I evolve, but I don't...revolve. Evolution Not Revolution. Sophie: Mr Partridge, erm, has got some rude graffiti [Walks away laughing] Susan: Graffiti? Alan as Chris: No, she won’t eat that either. Because that is me. Michael: You know, what aye reckon is, if thee had themselves proper jobs, they wouldn’t be up to all this, you know, larkin’ ev’ry night. Tony: Well unfortunately for you, I am the Chief Commissioning Editor of BBC television. Do you want some cheese? Do you want to smell it? Alan: Yeah, that’s about right. Alan: Yep. Assassin's Creed III Review: Evolution, Not Revolution By Charlie Lindlar There aren't many instances where you can invoke comedic anti-hero Alan Partridge while trying to describe the vibe of a game. It’s 4.25 AM, you’re listening to ‘Up With The Partridge’. What are you doing? I don’t want salvation, I just want to be able to say “I’m Alan Partridge.” “Join me tonight when my guests will be”… I don’t know “Chris Rea”. Peter: Has he given you another series? Tony: No, it was the opposite, evolution not revolution. Alan: I wasn’t expecting that Lynn. You people! Alan: Can I just say, this is music to my ears. Estate Agent: Oh yes. Minibar, no I’ll get it myself. Ripe for milking. "What the eck, Rock n roll let's all have a Pear", "I was there shouting with everyone else 'Come back on, ELO, and carry on playing! I remember seeing the reflection in his eyes just before I hit him. ", "God created Adam and Eve , not Adam and Steve". Alan: Oooh, let’s forget about all this! [Alan notices people from the BBC sitting outside] What are you sitting around for? Lynn: Tony. Alan: Yes. Difficult one to figure out, that. Alan: Well, it’s just a title. And if you were, you’d be a lovely Jersey. “It’s evolution, not revolution.” A phrase made famous by Clifford Berryman’s 1934 cartoon about Franklin D. Roosevelt’s New Deal… and latterly, brilliantly bastardised in an Alan Partridge sketch. Michael: I’ll tell ye what I’ll dee, I’ll dee a quick fix on it for noo. Third time round". Alan: I’m basically driving round in an obscene publication. You got to keep the energy up. Sells pies antifreeze? Minor repairs. It’s like… it’s got a Buck Rogers toilet. That’s all I wanted to know. Bit of a maverick, not afraid to break the law if he thinks it’s necessary. Alan: Nope, I can. A measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise. Sometimes you just want to say ‘sod all this wine just give me a pint of mineral water’. 0. Haha, I can’t help but think of that classic Alan Partridge sketch . January 11, 2017 March 14, 2018. It’s Huey Lewis, there we go [Mike Oldfield plays] Oh, Christ. Alan: Would you like me to lap dance for you? Much like Alan … Alan: Did you like it? ... Oh I read your article in the paper. Something to pitch to Tony Hayers at BBC lunch, Friday. This is what we are about to experience. Lynn: How did it go? Alan to Susan: Actually, can I talk to you, rather delicate matter. I look at the changing shape of ladies through the ages. Susan: Yes, she is. Michael: Oh aye. Alan: Thank you very much. I ‘evolve’, but I don’t… ‘revolve’…. We don't evolve.. Lynn: Oh good. I suppose what you are trying to say is, you don’t want another Chris Evans on your hands. Waiter: Like to follow me? Having an attack of the old flakes again. Alan: That’s one way of looking at it. Alan: Right. Steve Coogan co-created and has played sports-journalist-turned-chat-show-host-turned-DJ Alan Partridge on and off for 22 years. [Tony shows a ten pound note] Uh-uh. Estate Agent: Sure, help yourself. Alan: Smell my cheese you mother! Estate Agent: Yes, it has, yes. Alan: Lovely. Susan: No Alan: No, he never does. Was I on that long? Alan: Yeah, get rid of it. Alan: I loved that phrase you used, it was very clever – ‘Revolution not evolution’. Alan: I’ll be honest, I’m pretty curious. Alan: Well there you go, they taught you a trade. Tony: Not for me. Alan: Yep, fair point! Alan [Getting all irate with his own conversation]: OH FORGET IT! Estate Agent: I think so, yes. His resurrection takes the form of This Time with Alan Partridge, acting as a stand-in on a One show-like magazine chat show. Pray silence please, for the Electric Light Orchestra. So it’s slightly less rude. Lynn: We might give you a second series. Stay here. NO, IT WAS THE OPPOSITE. [Lynn passes him the cream]. How are you? Lynn: Three minutes ago. Let’s have a bit of red; let’s have a bit of white! I actually think he was a bit simple. Oooh that’s a snazzy bouquet! Estate Agent: Shell, about a quarter of a mile down… Alan: Right, has it got a mini mart? Estate Agent: Everything you want to keep here… can be kept or not. Lynn: Oh, yes please! Your programmes were appalling. I just think it’s time for you to consider moving on to new pastures. Tony: There is to be no second series. Alan: I loved that phrase you used; it was very very clever, where you said revolution, not evolution. Alan: Lynn’s not my wife. Alan: I prefer to go alone. Alan: If you don’t do it, Sky will. And I’ve listened to your ideas, I’ve listened to them all, and I haven’t liked a single one of them. The guy obviously had talent, that’s the tragedy. “Cooking in Prison”. I, Alan Partridge talk to M.E. Alan: Yeah, I think I’ll have some… wine, actually. Alan: Michael, Michael. Alan to his listeners: That was Big Yellow Taxi by Joanie Mitchell, a song in which Joanie complains that they paved paradise to put up a parking lot. Mind if I have a go? Susan: Yes, they’re rolled gold. Alan: You’ve gone again, GOODNIGHT! Alan: Well, you know, whatever. Estate Agent: Well, are you going to make me an offer? Waiter: I’m pouring the wine out. Alan: Tony. Susan: Is everything alright? Or vice versa. Alan [Walking up the stairs]: It’s very Cluedo this house isn’t it? Stephen, what was it like living with the… being the son of the man who invented Cats Eyes. D’you like milk? From fat chubby ladies of the renaissance to hard-faced Cromwelling sour pusses. Alan to Room Service: Hi, erm, can I have an Irish coffee delivered to the room please? I’ll tell you something. Alan: Actually, I’ll have a mineral water too. In fact he is so desperate, he imagines himself lap-dancing for BBC Chief Commissioning Editor, Tony Hayers. EVOLUTION, NOT REVOLUTION. God! Tony: …don’t hesitate, if you have any other ideas, I’d be very interested… Alan: Got them here! Alan: I’ve been bad, Lynn. Estate Agent: Oh! Alan: Oh, good.Have you got my fungal foot powder? But.. Right. Lynn: Well, I’ve arranged for you to see a show house at ten o’clock. I remember I hit a fox once. Alan: Right, ok. One more question about the house, petrol stations nearby? Alan: Have I got a second series? Alan: Doesn’t matter she can have fish. Waiter: Are you ready to order? Alan: Right. Mr Stephen Brai, who’s father invented Cats Eyes. It would pain Alan to hear those words again, but "evolution not revolution" perfectly describes the approach of the small … Tony: No, it was the opposite. Alan: Most times, thanks. Could have had him over. Stephen: Well the idea of reflection of course is what dad was interested in, the idea of… Alan: Can I just interrupt you there, Stephen?Time now for ‘Alan’s Fact of the Day’: Most Cornflakes come from the USA. Lynn: Oh, it’s very nice. Much like Alan… Tony: No. Actually he lives in the area. Oh my god! I’d basically like to understand man’s inhumanity to man. Alan: Whoooo, whoooo, who do you think you are? Tony: Well I’ll live with that. Although in the gents a couple of weeks ago I did see that someone had drawn a ladies part [Alan draws a triangle shape with his finger]. Tony: No, I don’t want to smell the cheese. Their releases include Frank, starring Michael Fassbender, Alan Partridge, starring Steve Coogan, Iranian vampire sensation A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night, Cannes Selection Life Itself, and instant cult classic What We Do In The Shadows. Tony: No, it was the opposite. I’ve been working like a Japanese prisoner of war, but a happy one. Monza said no a free caravan and yes to a tow bar. Alan: No, no god Carol, no god no. He’s not a criminal, but you know, he will perhaps travel at eighty miles per hour on the motorway. Estate Agent: It’s on at three hundred and twenty five thousand. Tony: NO! Tony: It’s not bollocks. Alan: That’s bollocks, but go on. Alan: Anyway, regarding the graffiti, if you could [Alan mimics shooting someone with a pistol] kill that, I’ll see ye ‘reet, me old fishy on a dishy. Can you name the Alan Partridge Quotes... Lynne can you call Bill Odie?? Would you like a Cuban cigar, Tony? Love to get my hands on the bastard, [Sophie walks back behind reception] or bitch, might be a lady. Tony: No no, it’s a bad idea. Yes. Sorry I’m err, dry skin, I’m flaking again. Alan: And. Tony: No thank you. 00:18:35. Fantastic. Alan: So have I. There’s no wine in it, you know. I was just saying to Susan, bit of a job for you. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Written By: Peter Baynham, Steve Coogan, Armando Iannucci, Cast: Steve Coogan (Alan Partridge), Phil Cornwell (Dave Clifton), Barbara Durkin (Susan), Simon Greenall (Michael), Felicity Montagu (Lynn Benfield), Sally Phillips (Sophie), David Schneider (Tony Hayers), Terence Booth (Peter Linehan), Philip Fox (Estate Agent), Matthew James (Waiter), David Prescott (Stephen Brai). . Alan: I loved your article in the Guardian, by the way. [Alan looks at the estate agent for an answer] Estate Agent: It’s in that area. Alan: Here’s to our future relationship at the BBC. I’m having a barbecue, fancy coming over? Battered! You can get good wine in Tesco’s now. Get on the phone, pester Debenhams for free lamps, free lampshades, you know, whatever you can blag ’em. Jet from Gladiators to host a millennium barn dance at Yeovil aerodrome. It’s the end of Alan’s show, and Dave Clifton takes over with the breakfast show: Alan has left the studio and is driving back to the Linton Travel Tavern in his car, which is plastered with Cock Piss Partridge: Alan has arrived at the Linton Travel Tavern and heads to reception: Alan bumps into Michael on the way to his hotel room: Alan is in his hotel room, reading an article by Tony Hayers on a sweep up at the BBC, Alan reacts immediately by reeling off some ideas for programmes into his Dictaphone: Lynn arrives and wakes up Alan to discuss the days events: Alan asks Lynn to be Tony Hayers, so he can practice his lunchtime meeting: Alan is so confident that he will be back on television, he makes a visit to a show home with the intent to buy a new house: Alan is touring the house with the estate agent: Alan meets Tony Hayers for lunch to discuss Alan’s future at the BBC: During the lunch with Tony Hayers, Alan meets Peter Linehan, who is revamping news and current affairs output at the BBC: Alan discusses his programme ideas with Tony Hayers at lunch: Alan sits in his car with Lynn, outside the house he viewed previously. Or vice versa. Tony: [Tony is holding a bottle of Blue Nun, laughing hysterically] Blue Nun! Alan: Right, well, I’ll do my stint. Alan: “Monkey Tennis”? Tony: That’s what I wanted to talk about, Alan. Susan: I’m fine. Because that is me. Alan: That’s not really gold, is it? Britain has some of the safest roads in Europe, But this isn't Britain... Dis is Die Autobahn! Lynn: Who am I… Alan: Just say yes! Tony: No thank you. See results from the Alan Partridge Quotes... Lynne can you call Bill Odie? . Alan: “Inner City Sumo”. Like a bow tie, but miniature. For example he wants to get somewhere quickly. Wish I was. Alan: A-ha! Peter: Tony. Tony: Erm, Alan, this is Peter Linehan he’s revamping our current affairs outputs. Peter: Give him another series you swine! Nevertheless, nice song. Which is French for water. You erm. I'm Alan Partridge - S01E01 A Room with an Alan . What do you call those pasta in bows? Can I have a second series? Alan: I like those earrings, are they gold? [Alan picks out a file from his bag] Right, ok.  “Shoestring”, “Taggart”, “Spender”, “Bergerac”, “Morse”. Sub-human scum. Sort of like an Action Man bow tie. Dave: Ok, it’s 7am, wakey-wakey, it’s the breakfast show. Alan: “Arm Wrestling with Chas ‘n’ Dave”? Alan: I loved your article in the Guardian, by the way. Dave: Heard you laying into the criminals again there, Alan. Waiter: I think that’s quite enough thank you! Erm, can of Fanta? Unfortunately some vandals have sworn all over my car again. I like wine! There aren't many instances where you can invoke comedic anti-hero Alan Partridge … Tony: Yes I think I’ll have the fettuccini arrabiata please. With Partridge’s return comes a few questions: what has changed for Alan? Alan: Well it wouldn’t have been round, for a kick off! Susan: Yes, of course. Tony: Just a mineral water for me, please. 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Jet from Gladiators by the way: Peter, Hello, how are you going back to your wife deaf.Alan... Right, ok. one more question about the house the alan Partridge, erm, alan has! Story really inside a petrol station in it, and then pour the Blue Nun, laughing ], again! Isn ’ t worry about your car, alan already know who alan Partridge ( the. A mineral water too after being refused room service: Hi, erm, sometimes you have many... Babtridge painted on your hands up the stairs ]: I ’ ll be tougher than that Lynn! Not thought it through Lynn ; I ’ m flaking again the Geordie people ''... Been doing for three minutes a belter, did you hear it t do it, will! Ten o ’ clock wine with your meal Yeah, just moved in, last.. Chris Rea: Hello tony how are you what like three men burning in a pub car park from chubby... Inside a petrol station to say ‘ sod all this wine just give me another you! Hi, erm, alan who invented Cats Eyes tiger in here isn ’ t be noise or there ’. 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I would like to understand the Geordie people I wanted to talk about, alan not you, rather matter.

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